Quotes from Something Old, Something New
Gavin: Thank you, Mr. Stevens.
Ed: Call me Ed.
Gavin: I'd prefer not to.
Ed: Okay.
Phil: C'mon Ed, I need some green, moolah, clams, cabbage, do-re-mi, scratch, looker, juice, rhino, booty, there and back, mint, backle, Jack Trippers, bicycles, smackers, semolians.
Carol: You know, I can never quite decide if you're totally adorable or totally creepy.
Ed: I'm an enigmatic and intriguing blend of both.
Ed: Friends, like the sign says at the world-famous Cyclone at Coney Island, hang onto your wigs and keys for you are about to experience the very first ever Edward J. Stevens Thanksgiving.
Carol: Getting depressed around the holidays is such a cliché that you actually get more depressed by the fact that you're getting depressed which is, in itself, depressing.
Molly: Unless you get depressed on Arbor Day, then you're gonna blaze new territory.
Ed: What if the giblets explode, hm? Can you really afford to miss that?
Nancy's mom: Has she gotten smaller since we saw her last?
Nancy: Yeah, mom, I gave birth to a shrinking baby. Didn't you read about it in the Enquirer?
Ed: Does this parsley look wilted to you?
Carol: That's parsnips.
Ed: Seriously? Is there a big difference?
Carol: Parsley tastes like parsley, and parsnips tastes like parsnips.
Ed: I can see you're a professional teacher.
Ed: Why we don't we cook Thanksgiving dinner together? You and me. Why we don't we cook Thanksgiving dinner together? It'll be the perfect way to get through this, y'know. We'll distract one another.
Carol: Maybe you're right.
Ed: Of course I'm right. This'll be fantastic. You and me, it'll be great, y'know. We'll keep an eye on one another, y'know, in case one of us starts to lose it. An emotional buddy system.
Carol: Yeah.
Ed: And then when we do it, we get through this period of vulnerability, we'll have proven something to ourselves.
Carol: Yes!
Ed: And then we'll celebrate by making sweet sweet love.
Carol: Heh heh. What?
Ed: Just a thought.
Carol: What were you like when you were a kid? I bet you were a big goofball.
Ed: I wasn't... big.
Kenny: When he gets like this, it's best not to ask questions. Just hang on for the ride of your life.
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