Quotes from Opposites Distract
Mike: I love that guy. He always gives me an extra pickle.
Nancy: You're a simple simple man.
Ed: I'm a guy. I have a toolbox. As a matter of fact, I have a couple sets of toolboxes. I like beer and I drink it. I like sports and I play 'em. I own a bowling alley.
Mr. Schaefer: Are you here to give me another one of them summonses? 'Cause I'll tell you right now, I need another summons like I need a rusty bear trap on my ass.
Mr. Schaefer: Am I wrong, or did I just witness a good ol' fashioned butt whuppin'?
Ed: No, that was a butt whuppin'. Mm hmm.
Ed: One fixed pipe.
Carol: How did you do that?
Ed: I worked as a plumber's apprentice in law school.
Carol: You tricked me? You're a plumbing hustler?
Ed: Excuse me, chief, I'm looking for Hal Schaefer.
Chief: Don't you be callin' me "chief."
Ed: You're not the chief of police?
Chief: Yeah, I'm chief of police. But you didn't call me "chief" like the chief of police, you called me "chief" like, "would you mind supersizing that order for me, chief?"
Ed: Mr. Schaefer, when did you begin this innocent little practice of feeding the grocery parking meters?
Bonnie: Objection!
Ed: Fine, same question, minus the parts she objected to.
Nancy: I'm sorry to hear that you have become homeless. Tough break.
Ed: It's not all about winning.
Bonnie: That's a good philosophy for a guy who's about to lose.
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